Two nights ago I stopped. Let it be.
I think it was 1995 when I began mantra recitation, walking, during the hours awake in the middle of the night, while cooking or cleaning, during repetitive tasks at work. Like Hail Mary's, only not Christian, not even necessarily the Sanskrit of my yoga, often ones I made up to suit whatever my needs were.
Mantra filled my mind, plus the meditation I did every day of 15 minutes or more.
It stilled my mind; my mind needed stilling. I left my husband in 1997. There was an ongoing war in my mind. Mantra soothed it. Mantra lifted my weary spirit over and over for the ensuing decade and more. I've come to rely on it to bring me to a state of inner peace.
Two nights ago I decided to let my mind run rampant again. Be as unpruned as it is naturally. I woke at 2am and lay awake until 6am and didn't calm my tumultuous interior with mantra. An hour of extra sleep before rising suffices.
From now on I will only silently recite mantra during my actual meditations, and what a balm they are, those moments of forgetfulness, of not-being, of being gone. The relief of not thinking, of not carrying the pressure of everything, of letting it all go in the ease and peace that mantra brings.
Outside of actual meditation sessions, I will let my mind become what it is. It's safe now. The last thirteen years of honing and focus through continuous mantra have surely had an effect.
Sheath of feeling. Words groping to touch air.
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Oh, thank you for this. The mark of a great composition, is how it breathes into the reader a universality.
ReplyDeleteAs of late, I have been using the mantra of the old traditional song that the "cares of tomorrow must wait until this day is done." Aside from "all things must pass", I feel an effect. I learn to truly experience what is right now, and not what was or what is to come. In moments, I fail to remember that these cares of another hour need not blemish nor intrude the moment and I learn to give them no power.
Blessings, my Friend. This composition was a Gift.