A few days ago, I spoke to the company that moved us from Vancouver to Toronto last year. Very good news. What I can afford the moving company will accept. Negotiations couldn't have gone better. Now my kids don't have to carry guilt over returning to TO (they did not want to stay in Vancouver, even for another year and even though I had a job), which is the only important thing, and the only real reason I'm picking up my burden of possessions and continuing on.
I just have to figure out housing, meaning more space, a lot more space than my daughter and I have at present, to move it all into in the next couple of months. Even if housing doesn't happen as soon as that, I'm still okay with the storage company and the monthly rental we agreed on (the original amount, not the $200./month they tacked on once my stuff got to their storage warehouse in Mississauga, a suburb of Toronto).
Do I feel a sense of relief? Not really. More like I'm putting my heavy turtle shell back on and moving slowly ahead. That I can't just 'leave,' 'exit,' 'start over,' but have to continue on. It'll be nice to get my books back; I've missed them. And my clothes, oh yes. And my paintings - I'm not used to such bare walls as I have here. The family photographs. A dining room table. Stereo and TV. Kilim carpets. My Salton espresso/cappucino machine. Ah. And my yoga mat. My whole alter. Large desks. And bed. It's all nice to consider. Not necessary, as I know now, but nice. The comfort of my 17 year old sectional Italian leather couch from the Art Shoppe. The whole panoply unfolds. And my kids are happy that I've decided to reverse the loss, prevent it from happening, and to land, to stay.
Not there quite yet, but I'll figure it out. Along with some magic. For it's always ultimately about magic, isn't it.
Sheath of feeling. Words groping to touch air.
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I'm glad, Brenda. You live with considerable uncertainties, feasting on fate or faith... but I am glad for this update and glad things are going well. I had thought they would.
ReplyDeleteWith your bravery and exuberance, what can the universe do but open up and provide you with what you need?
ReplyDeleteMB, perhaps it's problematic that I like living with uncertainty because I sure have created that reality in my life- even though I thought (or perhaps hoped) that everything was lost, it turns out that it was there all along and quite safe. Now that I've got an agreement for the original monthly storage cost, I can afford it. Housing will come, I don't know how or when, but surely it will. Thank you for all your beautiful, loving support through this whole journey, difficult period, time of uncertainty.
ReplyDeletePatry, when you write it like that I feel, oh yes, it's a beautiful flow of prosperity, like the Spring unfolding magically all around us. And I'm sure you're right. Many thanks for your support, & exuberances...
I think I'll go & dance in the park now. :)