"Life shrinks or expands according to one's courage." Anais Nin
Updating my life: yesterday I was offered a mat leave job in a company I really like, but not until December, which is so far away it's impossible to think about. My son has a job at a construction site today cleaning up, sweeping and vacuuming, thanks to John, my friend ZsuZsi's partner. My daughter has just gone through the halycon she always goes through before the 3300 km journey to her father's for the Summer. Why does this trip bring such anger, sadness and terror for her? As a mother do I worry unecessarily? But today is a new day and sunny; if the promised rain doesn't come, it's going to be hot. It's been cool here and I welcome and savour the heat, the way it relaxes us all.
Yes, Anais, life does shrink and expand according to one's courage, very much so, but when you're looking for work you need contacts. When you've moved to a city where you know almost no-one it's hard to find work because you have no network to draw on. That's what people are now telling me, and it makes sense. Also the 2 year mark is a make it or break it mark. I'm at the crux.
We would like to return to Toronto, and I may be able to just afford the moving costs, but need help at the other end with finding affordable housing. My children's father, who is ideally suited to the role of 'house finder,' he'll get his children back, afterall, has said a flat no. And blamed me for moving out here in the first place. None of which makes much sense, given that he'll have weekends with his kids, be close to them again. Nor can my family help, either no car, or works nights or, in the case of my mother, in her 80s and too frail. Friends? I'm not sure anyone is in a position to find housing for us to move in August. But I'll see.
Just the normal chaos of life, with its multiple decisions...
To brighten this post, because folks in the blogosphere like images, here's one I added a lens flare to and put in my sidebar to replace the one of me reading a book with blonde hair...Now that 'light' could be a vision, a fairy whispering delightful secrets, a higher consciousness from a space zone, a light-master from a New Age dimension, a lover whom I am dancing with, an echo of the Solstice sun in the lens, or the courage that expands our world, offering a bright future. Perhaps on this morning of new awakenings, new realizations, new hope, you could tell me what you see...
*hugs xo
On Solstice, the official entry of the abundance of Summer, a solar apex, this year with a Solstice sun and moon nearly aligned, O, the fulfillment of all our dreams and wishes...
I found you this morning through "In and Out of Confidence," and I'm so glad I did. I love the sound of your voice here, and, along with others, I love the images your son has given you liberty to post ... great pictures. I will be reading along as you work through the challenge of relocation (if that happens), employment, and relationships. Good to meet you. -mg
ReplyDeleteThe pictures are wonderful. It's as if you become your own art incarnate. Though of course I guess it's the other way round, your artwork reflects your own beauty. Thank you for sharing these - it's impossible to look at them and not feel uplifted. Keep in touch with your soaring heart like this and I'm sure you and your kids will find your way to the place that's right for you.
ReplyDeleteDear Mary and Jean, really wonderful to have you drop by, now if the blogosphere could provide tea and cake, or, O, that Sunday Salon I'd always dreamt about, ahhh. Thank you so much for your support - and for expanding my world with new friends. *hugs
ReplyDeleteBrenda, friend who brings wise words and images and thoughts and feelings, may your dreams and wishes be fulfilled.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Richard... and for you too.
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