.......................... The woman became spirit in the differentiated dawn. By an attic window of diffused sun with which she's not merging but emerging as light. Dust floats scintillating like myriads of reflectors. Bright as the birdsong of the world, her spirit an unburning flame, a panoply of sparklers, a cluster of luminophor, a throng of stars.
In secret transforming into spirit in the quiet of the dawn hidden in the turret of an old house.
I saw her when I lay down to rest, and remembered so that when I came back I could write of her for you.
Sometimes it's like that, the light burning behind your closed eyelids, the woman becoming spirit.
___
Lucubration: that which is composed by night; that which is produced by meditation in retirement; hence (loosely) any literary composition.
Sheath of feeling. Words groping to touch air.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
It's Time to Give Up Continuous Mantra
Two nights ago I stopped. Let it be.
I think it was 1995 when I began mantra recitation, walking, during the hours awake in the middle of the night, while cooking or cleaning, during repetitive tasks at work. Like Hail Mary's, only not Christian, not even necessarily the Sanskrit of my yoga, often ones I made up to suit whatever my needs were.
Mantra filled my mind, plus the meditation I did every day of 15 minutes or more.
It stilled my mind; my mind needed stilling. I left my husband in 1997. There was an ongoing war in my mind. Mantra soothed it. Mantra lifted my weary spirit over and over for the ensuing decade and more. I've come to rely on it to bring me to a state of inner peace.
Two nights ago I decided to let my mind run rampant again. Be as unpruned as it is naturally. I woke at 2am and lay awake until 6am and didn't calm my tumultuous interior with mantra. An hour of extra sleep before rising suffices.
From now on I will only silently recite mantra during my actual meditations, and what a balm they are, those moments of forgetfulness, of not-being, of being gone. The relief of not thinking, of not carrying the pressure of everything, of letting it all go in the ease and peace that mantra brings.
Outside of actual meditation sessions, I will let my mind become what it is. It's safe now. The last thirteen years of honing and focus through continuous mantra have surely had an effect.
I think it was 1995 when I began mantra recitation, walking, during the hours awake in the middle of the night, while cooking or cleaning, during repetitive tasks at work. Like Hail Mary's, only not Christian, not even necessarily the Sanskrit of my yoga, often ones I made up to suit whatever my needs were.
Mantra filled my mind, plus the meditation I did every day of 15 minutes or more.
It stilled my mind; my mind needed stilling. I left my husband in 1997. There was an ongoing war in my mind. Mantra soothed it. Mantra lifted my weary spirit over and over for the ensuing decade and more. I've come to rely on it to bring me to a state of inner peace.
Two nights ago I decided to let my mind run rampant again. Be as unpruned as it is naturally. I woke at 2am and lay awake until 6am and didn't calm my tumultuous interior with mantra. An hour of extra sleep before rising suffices.
From now on I will only silently recite mantra during my actual meditations, and what a balm they are, those moments of forgetfulness, of not-being, of being gone. The relief of not thinking, of not carrying the pressure of everything, of letting it all go in the ease and peace that mantra brings.
Outside of actual meditation sessions, I will let my mind become what it is. It's safe now. The last thirteen years of honing and focus through continuous mantra have surely had an effect.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Dawn, the momentary effect
when love's flame
rises
encroaching the dark
birds singing dawn, chirping
grace
or finally knowing what to do,
after such a long time
of unknowing
spreading a caul of light over
the horizon
until the sky is clear, safe, free,
and you may continue on
rises
encroaching the dark
birds singing dawn, chirping
grace
or finally knowing what to do,
after such a long time
of unknowing
spreading a caul of light over
the horizon
until the sky is clear, safe, free,
and you may continue on
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Prep drawing for painting
India ink on paper with acrylic matte medium brushed over the drawing, 73cm x 52cm, 28.75" x 20.5"
Prep drawing for a new painting. Combining figures from lifedrawing sessions and a very famous Venus, to become part my current work-in-progress: the Botticelli Venus Suite of Poems (I've included some tiny bits of text from my poems which may be lost in the paint, who knows).
Click on image for larger size, & the tiny quotes from which poems.
Friday, June 20, 2008
A Lion Tale...
Irresistible! As an animal lover, this touches me and if you are, wonderful...
Also I spent ages 2-6 1/2 in Kafue National Park in Zambia living in mud huts with all the wild animals about and the lion who I called "blond," and who I told to "Stop roaring all night, you're keeping Mummy awake!"
A hug like that...
Animals who love people.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Burning Video
Watching Kurosawa's Ran, very King Lear, but marvelously Japanese, that landscape, warrior fury, splendour of pageant, emotion moving under
Having been laid off recently, these recessionary times, I went to the Korean Video Store where videos apparently sell for $2. In budget! Korean films and a shelf of Chinese & Japanese. Two Kurosawa's later and one described as "very sexy" that won't load...
When I put the "very sexy" video in my laptop earphones in it smells vaguely of burning
...I wish I had more information, there is a Korean note, with "ONLY" in English
ONLY what? And what did the man in the store mean, "there are some scenes..." and selling me a burning disc with mystical Korean calligraphy
on a label on the disc for $2.? Tomorrow I shall go back and say to the old Korean lady who owns the store and who only takes cash, "It doesn't play..."
Is this part of the mystique of the very sexy burning movie ... I did ask for 'art films' in the Korean Video Store afterall.
Having been laid off recently, these recessionary times, I went to the Korean Video Store where videos apparently sell for $2. In budget! Korean films and a shelf of Chinese & Japanese. Two Kurosawa's later and one described as "very sexy" that won't load...
When I put the "very sexy" video in my laptop earphones in it smells vaguely of burning
...I wish I had more information, there is a Korean note, with "ONLY" in English
ONLY what? And what did the man in the store mean, "there are some scenes..." and selling me a burning disc with mystical Korean calligraphy
on a label on the disc for $2.? Tomorrow I shall go back and say to the old Korean lady who owns the store and who only takes cash, "It doesn't play..."
Is this part of the mystique of the very sexy burning movie ... I did ask for 'art films' in the Korean Video Store afterall.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Cinnamon Scones
Tax returns done, passing a tray of freshly baked cinnamon scone bits, yumhhmn, buying half a dozen, cloudburst, package of warm scones high under umbrella home
she says they are the best scones she's ever tasted watching the bliss with every bite how are little pockets of pure cinnamon
everywhere in the pastry like raisins only not raisins? Delicious treat, but we'll get used to them, like we did the Chinese sugar donuts
soft sweet twists of pastry fresh from the boiling kettle of oil
rolled in sugar
she says they are the best scones she's ever tasted watching the bliss with every bite how are little pockets of pure cinnamon
everywhere in the pastry like raisins only not raisins? Delicious treat, but we'll get used to them, like we did the Chinese sugar donuts
soft sweet twists of pastry fresh from the boiling kettle of oil
rolled in sugar
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