Wouldn't call this "a video" so much as how one might talk in a quiet conversation with a friend. Therefore, a vlog (video blog). Sparked by a discussion of 'change' in my dance class, reminiscences on my years of journaling leading me to feel that we only become more of who we are...
Sheath of feeling. Words groping to touch air.
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Woman with Flowers 7.1
(7th sketch in series, first iteration of this one) Woman with Flowers Flowers, props upholding the woman. The flowers, fragrant, imaginar...
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The Buddha says: “ You cannot travel the path until you have become the path itself .” The path is uncertain. Uncertainty is the guiding for...
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What if relationships are the primary ordering principle? What if the way relationships are ordered clarify, explain, and instruct us on th...
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"I hope you are all creating every day according to the inner map you were born with. I know it sometimes seems that map is written in ...
i agree with this in a limited way only. i definitely think there are core elements that shape us, genetically, environmentally, socially. but, i am sure that i have changed in significant ways through the years. some of those changes came about in the process of maturing and gaining a fuller understanding of life. this resulted in my taking in information differently, processing it differently, reacting to it differently.
ReplyDeletei was attracted to different kinds of people in my 20s, 30s, 40s, etc. my lovers were not the kind of man i married. he would not have excited me as much in my earlier years because he was emotionally available and, without a critical undercurrent, he was filled with unconditional love, something i understood very little about. our connection lacked, therefore, the exciting but chaotic struggle i had grown accustomed to both in childhood and my adult life. i had to learn to love myself in order to really let someone else love me. old lovers were much more primitive in their own journeys in this way he, though a younger man, was/is much more evolved and mature than the men i was once drawn to. in fact, he is an old spirit in a younger body. i am my best when i am with him - he beckons a part of me forward which was much more apt to sleep.
there is a central core in me, a belief system which is and will be there always, but there are many parts of me which have changed during the years. there are lessons i have learned and internal/external places i will not return to as a result of those lessons. my understanding of self, the world, and others now gives me more room for forgiveness at the same time it arms me against dangerous and toxic connections and activites.
my time is too valuable for me to spend it in places which do not enhance my life in ways i deem important. i am more discriminant now. i am less inclined to explore when sirens alarm. i believe that most of the time we have all the information we need to make wise decisions. i try to listen deeply to myself now in ways i never understood in early years.
i can choose to not personalize issues as much, am able to dig deeper into myself to find answers, and am now able to set boundaries i could not set before. i move more lightly in my world, bring in and give less pain. i am more honest and less manipulative. i get more of what i want and need than i once did. i am less harsh in some ways and more harsh in others...an issue i still find challenging and hope to see more change in. while i am surely myself in the deepest recesses of me, i am everchanging as i learn and grow and move about in this world.
Wow, Sky. This is beautiful, beautiful writing. It is as if you are writing from your core and I feel a sense of awe as I gasp at your honesty, passion, very ability to grasp the life you live with wholehearted abandon. An abandonment into unconditional love, that is. Probably the very scariest place for most people since they have to abandon what is probably a lifetime of a certain distrust of the depth of connection that is possible between two people who hold nothing back in their loving of each other.
ReplyDeleteThough I wouldn't say you've changed so much as integrated your desires and your life more harmoniously as you've deepened in your understanding of love. You're still the same person, there is continuity, but so very much richer. More whole, complete. Happy.
Much love to you, my dear. Blessings.