If I lighten the paper so that it's closer to the cream white it is in real life, the colour washes out, even with enhancing. Today I only used the colour cast option to make the paper less blue. So the colour of the figures is stronger, closer to what it is here, in this room, in the light from the window. My camera is ready for pick-up at the Sony store: luckily I had extended warranty, and it was covered. Hopefully the photos will be less grainy now.
Where am I at with this watercolour drawing today? Floating land mass; floating sunset; three women clothed with the sun (but no diadems under their feet).
And I, myself, in my aging body, which doesn't know it's not young, bleeding, just like always, for far too many years. Cramps, tired, drawing in spiritually to where death meets life, where rain falls on frozen ground, the winter of my monthly cycle, time for rest, deep meditation, feeling my body fully, celebrating womanhood in quiet solitude, awaiting the end of the process of cleansing, and a return to normal energy. This is an opportune time to explore the depths of my embodied spirituality; and I do try to honour this gift, even if into my fifth decade it becomes wearisome.
Perfect, perfect for a blog, the work in progress - I love it. And aren't we all works in progress?
ReplyDeleteI never longed to stop bleeding, determined always to see it as a mysterious gift, not the curse I was brought up to regard it as. I do not miss it either, though, I have to say...
jean, we are works in progress, yes, as our blogs manifestly show...
ReplyDeleteDo I long to stop bleeding? It's getting there. I've had a couple of 10 day, litre & a half, flooding bouts, an ounce an hour, sorry to be so graphic, that have been very hard, especially if working in strange offices where... Anaemia has been a lifelong problem, only more so now. I'm 54 in March. Much as I've celebrated and declared my appreciation of my moon, I must admit I am physically looking forward to the motion into the post-menopausal years, whenever that occurs. No sign of it yet. Like you, I've never felt that that rich and red flow of life-affirming blood was a curse. Though my expectation of menopause by now and the reality of my continuing cycles long past child bearing possibilities are leaving me feeling ready for the next phase of my womanly life.
And I begin to feel readiness for that, wishes to be on the other side, where you are. xo
At 47 I've got some years to go yet -- how many, I don't know. I've come from horrendous and debilitating cramps to hormone therapy that allowed me to function to needing no more than a few ibuprofen a month. (More on that process is here.) Part of the relief is probably perimenopause but I'm sure most of it is from having had my stress level plummet. I can't use my mother as a guide -- by the time of her change she was on fistfuls of pills for diabetes and heart disease and experienced wild mood swings from who knew how many drug interactions.
ReplyDeleteSo I've been enjoying the relative peace with my flux while it's still with me.
I love the works-in-progress analogy -- that and seeing a creation take form.
My, oh my, e_journies, what a torturous journey you describe through years of menstrual pain... I am so glad that you have discovered your way to yourself, to a lifestyle that enables you to have relatively pain-free cycles, and certainly hope that the motion through menopause is easy.
ReplyDeleteTo stop my flow nowdays, when I feel it's gone on long enough, the only way seems to be to meditate deeply on closing the blood vessels, explaining that long enough is enough, and it takes about a day or so, but the bleeding usually stops. Until the next month...
I've tried taking straight progesterone, in pill form (!), and it slows everything down, but it picks up again after I stop. Meditating deeply, on the other hand, does work- as long as I'm compassionate towards myself.
Or something like that! xo