Isabel Allende’s, The House of Spirits

Another day of nothing. Up till 2am reading Isabel Allende’s, The House of Spirits. Such lives - an incredible book, its social commentary, magic realism. Tired, though. Hammered shelves into the cat closet to put everything stored there so I can remove the kitty litter lid easily for daily cleaning. Felt slightly frazzled all day, with loose electrical wires hanging off my body that should be hooked into substantial activities. Cooked salmon pinwheels for mid-day dinner, followed by Portuguese custard tarts. A cool, sunny day. Waiting for a Laura Ashley cotton quilt that I can ask for a refund on tomorrow if it doesn’t arrive today. Waiting for a Zoom meeting with fellow poets. Waiting for focus to return. Waiting to come back since I seem to be wandering among uncertain particles in the dark matter of the universe. Waiting for nightfall.
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Djuna Barnes’ Nightwood

A lost day. Where tasks overtake, and not even. Djuna Barnes’ Nightwood on earbuds—the scene where the doctor is dressed in women’s clothes, a wig, lipstick and false eyelashes and is disappointed when Nora enters his chaotic room with the full chamber pot. His soliloquy on the meaning of life. Tying parcels to a dolly and returning them at the post office in the drug store & the guy refusing to scan them because it was too busy - one other person waiting in an empty line. After a dog walk, a slew of National Geographic videos on lions, all too short. And one on Majete Wildlife Reserve in Malawi. Sergei Polunin on YouTube, a favourite dancer. No writing.
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Sir Gawain and the Green Knight

Walking the neighbourhood with my dog listening to a podcast by academics on Sir Gawain and the Green Knight. Composed in the 1400s, it lay undiscovered until the 1900s. The world of chivalry and a beheaded green night who picks up his head and throws a challenge at the knight before he gallops off. The married woman who tests him and gives him her magic girdle. Nature, which will lop you off, but regenerates itself and keeps living. The world is heavenly with spring growing into leaves and flowers everywhere. We have our first heat wave. I am a grain of sand in the hourglass of humidity, heat, dust. Breathing pollen.
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Happy Holidays!

Wishing you all a happy, healthy, wonderful and loving Holiday Season! xoxo 

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Self Portrait #11

Self Portrait #11, ©Brenda Clews 2019. 18"x24" (cropped), oil on canvas.

August 25, 2019

A resemblance to me is actually developing after eleven drawings and paintings! While this mirror self-portrait looks more like me, I'm told I'm still making myself look older than I am. Ah, well... lol!

This was my last painting in my spare room studio since it has been rented out. I've learned a lot about painting this summer because of the wonderful Self Portrait Sundays Facebook group and the weekly challenge to do a self portrait from life and am very appreciative. Normally, I don't have space to work in oil and acrylic so consistently - having a studio gave me the chance to experiment and, I hope, get better. I mostly painted one angle, though, since the space between bed and desk in the spare room didn't allow much maneuvering. I think painting the same pose over and over resulted in a better understanding of bone structure, musculature, skin tones and expression - I learnt to smile while staring intently into the mirror, too! In the background, the futon couch I've been sitting on to paint. Favourite new straw hat - it's blue!

Underpainting for Self-Portrait #11, ©Brenda Clews 2019. 18"x24", acrylic on canvas.

August 11, 2019

Today I covered a 18"x24" canvas in red acrylic paint, and then sketched myself in turquoise-phthalo. Very bright! Lol. I consider these self-portraits as ways to experiment with techniques and styles and, currently, I'm playing with underpainting. My plan is to paint skin tones, etc., overtop of this when I have time. Hopefully, I'll post the finished painting next Sunday.
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Self Portrait #10

August 18, 2019

Don't know what to say of the journey to here or where I might be going.

Below is the underpainting in acrylic, and above, the next day, and many hours later, the portrait in traditional oils. Still learning! There's so much paint on it that I'm not sure I can work much more with it! Time to stop! Oils on a Dollarama 8”x10” canvas.

The underpainting, done August 17, 2019, took about an hour. The leftover acrylic palette from a bad commission experience, which probably fed into the painting- my 'sturm und drang'! Wanted to try painting in a different way to my normal mode. Overworked a little for sure - acrylics, even with retarder, dry so quickly you can't blend. It came out expressionistic. The proportions! From now on, I must draw or map out where the features of the face are before painting. I may try to fix it in oils, or not. A not-very-success self portrait on a Dollarama 8”x10” canvas.
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A bad experience with a commission

I got caught in a tangle of intrigues, of hinted devastating illness and poverty, and when I realized the pull on the heartstrings was likely a ploy to get a reduced price, I refused to sell it. I was so incensed with the fabrications and the name calling mud-slinging when I called this person out, I said I would shred the painting. I was given what amounted to an honorarium, which was ostensibly the payment and honestly, so way-below-minimum-wage it was almost a 'bleep' and then told to keep the money since they didn't care about it. A bad experience.

In the invoice I sent to the client detailing the actual amount given, along with a high resolution .tif file, I made it clear that I had rights to use the lower resolution .jpeg image to promote my work on my website and in social media.

What I learned was to never drop your asking price on compassionate grounds. You don't know a person's true life situation.

And, sometimes, for wealthy people, money is a game. How big a deal can you get - it's fun for them.

My friends, some of whom sell their art, or offer other services like Reiki, or tarot readings, have all said you set a price and it is the same for everyone, no exceptions. They charge their friends the same price they charge their clients.

A lesson learnt. I am very grateful I did not sell the painting for the amount of money I was sent, and was able to say no to a larger commission that I had already begun to get caught on again.

The enquiry for the larger commissioned portrait and its cost was agreed on, and then they slipped in the spouse, the extra person. It was done so skillfully that I barely noticed.

Two people are two entirely different skin tones, two whole sets of preparatory drawings, two different palettes! It is twice the work! The curator at a gallery where I had a solo show some years ago told me I had to double, or nearly double my price for painting a couple.

I know that. How'd I get glamoured (hypnotized)?

This experience, of course, changes me.

Now, there is sympathy, certainly, deep empathy if the situation is difficult, but no 'deals,' no price drops. It's sad to come to this - but one bad experience does it.
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