"But if one begins by having pleasure, it is like knowing how to swim: one never forgets it." Helene Cixous
Now I wonder if the half an hour of "happiness" last night, and this morning, of allowing myself to feel as pure a joy as I could, which is not easy, wasn't an evocation of 'pleasure' rather than 'happiness.' I took great pleasure in the mystery and miracle of breath, body, experienced an inner ecstasy of being, of those I love, and the unfolding of my life and talents, indeed, for moments, this happened, but was it a sensual pleasure of loving life rather than deep happiness?
It was in the range of the orgasmic, that kind of ecstasy, but not localized or specific. It was like I let my brain produce all the high endorphins, neurotransmitters of ecstasy, and my mind was filled with light.
But happiness? I sought to allow what a full and complete happiness would be like. My seemingly huge issues and problems and worries kept nagging at the edges, but I was able to fully immerse or emerge in a field of pure joy for long moments and the minutes passed quickly.
I wonder what happiness is? I know what pleasure is, that indeed I do, but happiness?
Pleasure may be independent of life circumstance; happiness surely never is.
We can profoundly enjoy the moment, savour the pleasure of a flower or a smile or the kindness of a heartwarming act, but the trajectory of our lives, our underlying contentment with our lives, our feelings of accomplishment, of being a vital part of thriving communities, does savouring the way the wind blows over the water on a languid Summer's day affect any of that?
We can profoundly enjoy the moment, savour the pleasure of a flower or a smile or the kindness of a heartwarming act, but the trajectory of our lives, our underlying contentment with our lives, our feelings of accomplishment, of being a vital part of thriving communities, does savouring the way the wind blows over the water on a languid Summer's day affect any of that?
Is there a difference between pleasure and deep inner happiness?
And yet I felt profoundly ecstatic when I let myself...
I do not wish to appear dramatic, but your writing sometimes brings tears to the eyes and certainly at moments, actually trembles the spirit.
ReplyDeleteYou see, so often when I read your writing, I think: this is the height of a perceptual divinity in composition, and then you surpass it.
Such is evidence of a thriving Gift.
You have perfectly, perfectly posed the wonder of living in this work, of experiencing, of what it is to be human on a deeper level. Pleasure v. happiness. Yes, we can feel contentment in the very moment, and flow within the aftermath of any given pleasurable experience, but then, the dawn of the new moment arrives, and do we sustain a happiness at the core? Wow. This is an observation of a question, rather than a question, you pose in a profound way.
Blessings, my Gifted one~