Where Butterflies are Born

When my own dance began, oh, it was hard. I lay on the floor, like a grub. I crawled forward following a line of sun that fell across the floor. I crawled forward and was pulled back, again and again. On I struggled, slipping back, pushing on. I fell off the path. Defeated. I pulled myself with pain, effort back to the track of sun. In the whole dance I made only an inch of progress, until I gave up. Almost by levitation, I felt myself rising. As if strings were attached to my arms and back and head. And those strings were pulled by higher forces and I began to dance like a marionette, shaky and wobbly on the floor. I was uncertain, but felt guided by unseen masters. It was a happier dance than the hard journey on the floor had been. I jumped and writhed and flopped and flounced like a puppet on strings, only I distinctly felt that I was achieving what I most wanted to achieve, and I only achieved it by letting go, and trusting. It was a strange, ecstatic feeling, perhaps like a newly emerged wing-wet butterfly trusting inborn instinct, rising and flying.

I'm writing about last Saturday's dance, 'Honoring Your Feelings, in the DOWH Nourishment series that Erica Ross offers. She is offering the same class this Wednesday evening.

NEST & NOURISHMENT

A woman's sanctuary in the heart of Toronto.

Location:Dovercourt House, 3rd floor

At this point in the DOWH session, we were partnered and I was dancing what I was feeling while being witnessed by my partner. It is surprising what insights emerge in dance, isn't it. We bare our souls; we find kinetic metaphors for where we are on our life paths; we move through huge issues, blocks, grief, things that seem immovable. Like many, I couldn't live without dance. On the dance floor we support each other's processes. We give space to our intertwining energies. We enjoy our mutual beauty.

                                                

Dancers After Midnight

Dancers After Midnight, 2009, 8"x11", 20cmx28cm, oil pastel, India inks on paper

It's called 'Dancers After Midnight' because I sketched it in the midnight air, and finished at maybe 2am, when the air was still dark smoky blue-black.

Recently I've been 'put through the paces' over my work by someone I considered a friend but who turned out not to be supportive of my painting. In summarily dismissing almost all of my work, it was called 'abstract,' a label that mystifies me. I would say that if one liked a more Classical style of painting, stillness, realism, then my work would not be adequate, but neither would I call what I do 'abstract.'

How can I explain my art? Let me try.

When I work I like to create something realistic enough for you to recognize the subject matter, yet I like imperfection because life is like that. I like to see the brush-stroke, which to me is like the breath of the artist breathing onto the canvas. And a calligraphy of drawing, the poetry of the lines, is crucial. As is motion: rhythms of colour, sweeps of brushstroke, moments of tension between forms.

Slick does not suit me; I like it raw.

When I paint, it tears my heart out of my chest. Can you see my pulse beating there, in the dance of oils and inks?

I like beautiful, on this side of frenzied.

If I had to accept a label, I would say my art is somewhere between drawing and painting. My main influences are an incredibly diverse range of artists both contemporary and throughout history. I think the way you paint is linked to your biological gesture in the world. That paint and inks do not come out of tubes or bottles but fingertips.

My ex-friend and I have parted ways.

I guess the lesson is that you have to believe in yourself. That's most important.

Be true to yourself and follow your vision.

It's important not just to support and nurture the talents of others, but to have friends who support and nurture ours. When there is a balance, of give and take, a crucial reciprocity, we can freely explore and express our gifts, which are, afterall, our sacred offerings.

                                                

Aural Pleasure: A SoundClick Widget

Just checking out SoundClick widgets for my site there: Aural Pleasure. This is my favourite, I think.

I've been tossing around the idea of uploading some of these pieces to Jamendo... not sure how they'd be received in a music community... but, yes, I'd let you download them from Jamendo, yes I would.

I get a kick out of how SoundClick described my poetry recordings in the widget that other artists post at their sites:

rich text with
pleasing undulating
voice and music

                                                

Figure in Blue-Feathered Strokes

Figure in Blue-Feathered Strokes, pencil, India ink, fixative, acrylic matte medium, watercolour pencils, oil paint on archival paper, 12¾"x10", 2006. Digital version, 2009.

This morning I vacuumed the apartment (uh huh), and then did yoga (yah) with the intent to "do" the tasks I'd set for the day (a major clean-out of a closet, working on 2 paintings). The 'yoga with intent' didn't seem to be working since after the yoga I ended up dancing like a crazy cotton-tail all about my small space grateful that I was alone. What do you expect if you're listening to Buddha Bar? That went on for some time. Song after song found me kicking and jumping and shaking my hips, I couldn't stop. After I settled down after lunch, oh strange occurrence considering there hasn't been a night in many months that I haven't thought about starting the final painting in the Women in the Seasons series and day after day I've resisted, you know, I put a large piece of Plexiglas on the twin pull-out leaves of my desk, a few clamp lamps underneath, and transferred figures to delicious 300lb Arches watercolour paper! Pleased to report that guilt for a year (over not starting this final painting of a series) = gone.

While I was looking for the set of figure drawings I've been using for the Women in Seasons series, I found this little painting. Yeah, she's the same life drawing model who graces the Women in Seasons series, only I've not painted this pose in those paintings. I find the final digital composition of my afternoon's work on how best to present the image with its layering (only about half a dozen layers in the image), multiples, repetitions, colouring intriguing. It's fun to play digitally, though I like to base my digital work on images of an actual drawing or painting, which in turn is composed from sketches from lifedrawing sessions... (didn't Wallace Stevens say something about always basing your work on the 'real'? I like that.)

I scanned the painting in two sections and stitched it together in Photoshop Elements 6, which is what I use on my iMac. The central image that I have titled is the high resolution scan. Then I took a photograph of the painting on the smoky-coloured Plexiglass with the light shining through it. Through the afternoon the images got attached to each other, and then a third, and digitally painting a framing, and, here it is, sharing...

(click on Figure in Blue-Feathered Strokes for a larger version)

Later: after 2am now... since this was a simple project with few layers , I created a short slideshow out of saved versions. Click through to Picasa if you'd like to see it larger, with captions:



Direct link:

Figure in Blue-Feathered Strokes