The configuration of your desire, Monsieur, is complex. The beauty of women, how does it move you?
Scent of her kisses, tender cleavage, your lips, the way she holds you in her tiny hands, what it would be like to plunge yourself into her? She in whom you would obliterate.
Lust and bliss, loin and heart adaze. Or perhaps it is frenzy, a blindness?
Do we fall into what dissembles us?
A whirlpool, its swirling whorls,
undressing us,
naked against the onrush.
Is it that we are always approaching what we can never give ourselves to?
Sheath of feeling. Words groping to touch air.
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Woman with Flowers 7.1
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This is a deeply contemplative composition. The question of falling into that which [quote] "dissembles us" to the final key of [quote] "..what we can never give ourselves to?"
ReplyDeleteThese belle lettres delve very deeply into the elements, the mystery, perhaps, of oservation and motivation and to final contemplation of the former two.
These writings are my favourite. They captivate.
Brilliant~
Blessings~
Dear Laurieglynn, the shifting subject here, through second, third, first person, is bothering me. It might just work in that way of yoking things, letting them lie side by side sometimes works, but it's a risk. A risk of obscuring meaning, of making it too opague, of confusing too much instead of just a little. Thank you for your beautiful comment, as ever. You give me faith.
ReplyDeleteI don't see a shifting voice at all -- to me this is all in the second person: you addressing Monsieur throughout. In terms of critique (and always, the caveat is that this is my subjective opinion), I wonder about the word "torpor", which my dictionary describes as, "a state of suspended physical powers and activities," "sluggish inactivity or inertia." Even a slow whirlpool is an active force, so I was getting some cognitive dissonance there, especially with "onrush" following the rest. My only other suggestion is to place a question mark at the end of, "...what it would be like to plunge yourself into her?"
ReplyDeleteThose aside, though, it's a very powerful piece. A beautiful mixture of sensuality and tension.
I also find the "shift" of voice powerful. It is you her speaking to him, it is her hearing him, it is them joining and becoming "we" and "us" a tide as powerful and thrilling as it is, in the end, frightening.
ReplyDeleteElissa, thanks, I've made the changes you suggested...
ReplyDeleteAnd Ira,
If it works for you, then it works! The feedback, as ever, much appreciated.